Sunday, June 7, 2009
My Dearest Daughter,
Soon it will be another Father's Day, and I thought I would write you a letter.
My Dearest Daughter, the life you have chosen to live is not the one I wanted for you, as you are very much aware. You and I shared so many dreams and aspirations for you...I remember listening to you as a little girl about your desire to live in Maine, because you had seen pictures of Maine, and had fallen in love with the beauty of it, and you saw it as a way to leave California for a better life. I also remember your desire to join the Air Force, because you wanted to do something bigger than yourself, to improve yourself, and to serve, like I did. I remember sitting on the edge of your bed and discussing the military, and me advising you which branch I thought would best suit you, and your goals.
My Dearest Daughter, I remember the little things...making you breakfast in the morning and sitting on the couch to watch John Wayne movies on TBS every Saturday mornings (your favorite was True Grit), brushing your hair and braiding it, and putting what you called 'pretties' in your hair, watching you get ready for a school dance, and the endless changes of clothes and shoes, and although you may not realize it, every time I told you that you looked fantastic, I really meant it, despite your eye rolling, dramatic sighs, and the obligatory 'Oh, Dad!' I miss those little moments of time with you more then you will ever know.
My Dearest Daughter, I know that your life growing up wasn't easy, what with me being away on deployments a great deal, and your Mom being sadly indifferent to what you did, but the time we spent together was more precious then gold to me. But, life can be hard, however the bottom line is that it is not any harder then what we make of it, because as humans, we have the gift from God called choice, and the choices we make and the route we take in life are solely our own. Granted, we can make excuses and attempt to place the responsibility onto another, but ultimately, what we do with our life belongs to us, and us alone.
My Dearest Daughter, it pains me to write this little letter to you, because although I love you deeply within my heart and the depths of my soul, I cannot ride in as a Knight in Shining Armor like when you were a little girl and save you...you must save you from you.
My Dearest Daughter, please, I beg of you on my knees, do all you can do while in jail to rid yourself of this meth addiction, because as your Father, my Dearest Daughter, you are supposed to bury me, not me burying you.
I love you,